Sometimes I tell myself stories about how difficult something is going to be as a strategy for putting off doing anything about it.
One day I decided to ask myself for help through a meditation. I called upon the Divine Mother (the symbol of my deepest wisdom), waited for a couple of minutes in silence, and then heard her response.
This is what happened:
Me: Divine Mother, I keep putting off talking with my sister about what we need to do to finish the project we have undertaken. I tell myself that she will become very angry and we won't get anywhere. She won't want to talk about it.
Divine Mother: My child, the problem lies with you, not your sister. Your own insecurity is blocking you and your dependence on her approval. Can you imagine putting aside these fears? Try it!
This was not what I wanted to hear. It was obvious that I had to do some work instead of complain. In an effort to follow up on the insight the meditation had given me, I tried to rein in my fears and to keep a collaborative, open attitude instead of telling myself stories that would reinforce old reactions.
The project we have undertaken is still unfolding. The end isn't in sight, but I feel better and I think my sister does too, since we are taking steps toward our goal and learning to appreciate each other more.
I have learned a lot in the process.
- I have to take the stories I tell myself with a large grain of salt.
- It's easy to make false assumptions about what another person feels or believes.
- I have to take responsibility for my own actions, even though the outcome seems risky.
Whenever I meet my own fears and open myself to the process, I feel freer, and sometimes the unexpected happens-as when I was walking along the beach last year and came across a grand piano on the sand.